My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
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yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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