This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
