THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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