He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
