I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
