Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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