She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
