Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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