yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
