hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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