508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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