she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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