I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
