Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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