Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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