dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Mom said you looked used
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
