Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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