wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I love you. Go after that dick
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
