Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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