I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
