Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
