he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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