The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
