She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
