Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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