He uses pillows to masturbate.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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