How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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