Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
