I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
