Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We have started to decorate penises.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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