just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
