Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
