..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
why do cheetos always look like penises
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
