We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize