It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
