Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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