if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
