This is not my ceiling
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
