saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
