I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
