my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
