I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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