he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
