The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
