Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
