Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
