He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
