she was so not down for the gang bang
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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