Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
