yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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