dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
