hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
