..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Two words: blizzard sex
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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