I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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