I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
