I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I touched a dick in church today
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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