My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
