i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
