I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
