I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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