Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
