Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
