I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
