I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I CAN MOONWALK!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
