I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
