...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dignity is for republicans.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
