my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
