I bet he comes in French.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
