ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My liver just broke up with me...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
