so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
