Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
