My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
