I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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