he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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