the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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