Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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