so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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