i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
