New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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