he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
